Bah! To BHG (Better Homes and Gardens)

Here is a recent article from Better Homes and Gardens on "The Ten Commandments of Dining With Little Kids".
While the author claims in her introduction not to be "anti-kid" she is clearly not in favor of children being present in restaurants. Her advice is not the promised "gentle reminders" but a series of vents against children and their parents. The advice is both rude and inappropriate, and in many locations also illegal. Yes, it is illegal in many areas to keep a breastfeeding mother from nursing her baby in places where they are allowed to otherwise be.
The National Conference of State Legislatures has a good rundown of the legal issues surrounding breastfeeding in the states and territories of the US. Please see the link for a full discussion of the legalities of nursing in the US.

• Forty-four states, the District of Columbia and the Virgin Islands have laws with language specifically allowing women to breastfeed in any public or private location (Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Washington, Wisconsin and Wyoming).

• Twenty-eight states, the District of Columbia and the Virgin Islands exempt breastfeeding from public indecency laws (Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Illinois, Kentucky, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia, Washington, Wisconsin and Wyoming).

The author of the BHG article is writing with a great deal of contempt for children and families and in ignorance of how to raise children so that they will become adults with whom you would likely want to dine. While some of her "commandments" might be palatable by themselves, the rants that follow each one turn even the reasonable suggestions sour.
Of course no one - and certainly not the general public - should be subjected to rude, out of control children for prolonged periods of time. Owen, Abram, and I have done our share of walking outside of restaurants while meals are finished in peace and leaving stores before we were done. That's just part of being a parent; sometimes your kid is not ready to deal with a situation in a socially acceptable manner. However, there are lots of times when kids behave differently from adults and have different needs, but they are no more obtrusive or inappropriate.
Owen is a high-spirited wild young thing, and it is a daily challenge to keep him safe and content, but he is fully capable of going to lots of "adult" establishments and behaving in a socially acceptable manner - even if it is for a shorter time than I can. He has been to a movie and lots of restaurants of various formalities. Servers are always pleased with the variety of foods he will eat and the food choices he makes for himself. Yesterday, he had steamed shrimp. When we go for sushi, he tries to eat with regular chopsticks and orders salmon roe, a salmon roll, and a miso soup. At a Korean place we've been to with Ben and Tracy, he eats the kimchi to the amazement of the ladies who say Korean little ones don't. No, he's not a perfect angel unseen by anyone else in the establishment, but he is learning how to be an adult. And we value the opportunity to teach him with the support of society.
He has also nursed in A LOT of places - including restaurants. As indiscreet a breastfeeder as I am, I doubt many people sitting or working nearby have even realized what was happening most of the time. In fact, I'd say people most likely noticed him less when he was nursing (and relatively still and almost perfectly quiet) than when he was not nursing. While I know that many people in our society are uncomforatble with the normal way of feeding and comforting babies and children (yes, children!), it is beyond me why anyone could get so worked up over a little person nursing that they would suggest that a mother an baby go to a restroom to breastfeed. Restrooms are for peeing and pooping and washing your hands before you leave. They are not places for eating. How sad it is that a person would value another person so little to suggest that he or she eat in a public restroom. Even in the days of racial segregation, similar (if usually inferior) accomodations were the rule. Asking someone to eat on a potty is dehumanizing.
Instead of ridicule and recommendations that parents of young children keep them home and not nurse them when out, what families really need is the support of society to raise their children in loving and respectful manners. New mothers need to be reminded that they are giving their children food and comfort appropriate for a human child when they nurse their children. They need to know that most people are not so ill-tempered and mean that any peep from a youngster is cause for bad feelings and a reason not to be in public. They can appreciate appropriate accomodations such as crayons and child seats and kids menus (although I think these are generally appalling at most places - I think they should have child-sized portions of foods on the regular menus) at restaurants. What we need is for grown ups to act that way not for kids to disappear when they are not convenient.



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ETA:
It seems that during the course of writing this post, the BGH team has edited the 10 Commandments article to include only 9 of them. Apparently, they have gotten enough flack for the offensive anti-breastfeeding comment, that they have deleted it. Fear not, I still had the original page open, and will paste the full text of the orginal article below:
"Let me be clear: I am not anti-kid. I adore children in all their lovable, spontaneous, energetic glory. However, in recent years, I’ve noticed a pronounced blurring of the boundaries between “adult world” and “kid world”, especially when it comes to dining out. Those seeking romantic, contemplative dining may find themselves irked by erstwhile tots in a refined restaurant -- but I don't think anyone is ready to institute a kid ban. Really, we can all get along...

With this in mind, BHG.com offers our ten commandments for kids in upscale restaurants -- gentle reminders for parents and non-parents alike -- as well as kid-friendly recipes for creating your own restaurant experience at home.

THOU SHALT NOT BLOCK TRAFFIC WITH BULKY STROLLERS
Strollers have begun to overtake cars and wristwatches as conspicuous status symbols. You may be proud of your double-wide Maclaren, but be sure not to leave it jutting out in a place where waiters and other patrons might trip over in transit.

Leave the stroller at home and indulge your family with this melty, tasty Chicken and Cheese Panini.

THOU SHALT NOT ORDER A 10-COURSE TASTING MENU WITH KIDS UNDER 10
Kids, as we all know, have kid-sized attention spans. Attempting to make them sit still while you enjoy a world-renowned chef’s esoteric, glacially-paced tasting menu isn’t going to be a pleasant experience for anyone.

For a fast meal your kids will still savor, whip up this Quick Crunchy Chicken Dinner.

THOU SHALT NOT TREAT YOUR SERVER LIKE A SITTER
Your server is there to accommodate you, but customer service has its limits. While most waiters are happy to engage and amuse your little one, it's bad form to delegate your child-minding duties to the person taking your sea bass order.

Let your kids serve themselves with our Best Yummy Mexican Meals.

THOU SHALT NOT BREAST FEED AT THE TABLE
Yes, I have seen table-side breast feeding at a four-star restaurant. If at all possible, take it to the ladies room. (Note: most upscale restaurants have really nice restrooms!)

If you're breastfeeding, you likely want to cook something quick, easy, and protein-rich; we love this Speedy Bow Tie Pasta Dinner.

THOU SHALL FEEL FREE TO ORDER "KID FOOD" OFF THE MENU
Most restaurants are happy to provide kid-friendly cuisine, so don’t hesitate to ask, just keep in mind you may experience sticker shock (e.g., $23 for pasta with butter)

For a filling and savory twist on basic spaghetti, try these hearty Filled Pasta Entrees.

THOU SHALL NOT TURN DINNER INTO A PHOTOSHOOT
It’s exciting to see your little one all dressed up at the table, and special occasions and birthdays are naturally conducive to photos, but overzealous documentation with flash photography, flip-cams, and camcorders can be distracting to fellow diners.

Say "cheese" with these ten tasty Macaroni and Cheese recipes.

THOU SHALT NOT BRING NOISY TOYS
It’s wise to bring a few of your kid’s favorite toys for their amusement but try not to bring excessively loud games and bleep-blooping electronic toys -- or at least be sure there’s a volume-off button.

Keep their hands busy with a finger-food meal, such as this tasty Buffalo Wing Dinner.

THOU SHALL TRY TO QUELL HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING
Unexpected tantrums and outbursts are a fact of life, but when a parent sits stoically as their child screams without any intervention, the mood of the room can quickly turn from convivial to incredulous to profoundly irritated.

They'll be screaming with joy for these homemade Mini Pizzas With Pizazz.

THOU SHALT NOT ALLOW FREE-RANGE KIDS
When you let your child run free in the restaurant, it’s not only disruptive to other diners, but it could be a safety hazard: Restaurants are full of hot plates and sharp cutlery, and kids underfoot could cause a major disaster.

Keep them planted happily in their seats with this zesty, crunchy Skillet Tostada Dinner.

THOU SHALL CALMLY DISCOURAGE FOOD FIGHTS
Ah, the food fight. The epitome of fun at summer camp and grade school cafeterias -- less so at Michelin-starred eateries. If the food starts flying, quietly and firmly put an end to it.

And if your kids politely make their way through the meal without incident, treat them to a well-deserved Dessert treat."