This week, Owen came to tell me, "The plant fell down because it's winter." I was a little afraid to look for the pile of dirt I was going to get to clean up, but found that he meant that the lily plant was dying.
We talked about how the cold weather did make the plant die but that it would grow again next year.
We didn't discuss that I planted these lilies in Virginia after my two miscarriages, but just as it brings me pleasure to see those bright orange lilies around the beginning of June, it brought me pleasure to know that those lilies I dug up and have carted around the country are helping teach Owen about the natural world. For now it is sufficient to discuss the seasonal cycles of life and death, and one day we will be able to talk about how very much I wanted to be a mother and how very hard it was to experience those two losses and wonder if I would ever have a baby in my arms. We will discuss death as something that we can accept as a natural part of life.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day was this week (October 15). I rarely discuss my miscarriages, but it is very comforting when I do. I think I'm not alone; I think most moms who have miscarried want desperately to talk about it, but other people are afraid to discuss it.
I'll leave you with a picture of my beautiful lilies blooming June 6, 2006 - my first due date.
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